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The Relationship Economy
Contents:
  1. Rule #2. You’re judged by what you do, not what you think
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  3. How to Pick a Career (That Actually Fits You)
  4. Life is Not a Game of Perfect: Finding Your Real Talent and Making It Work for You
  5. The Best Career Tests and Quizzes to Find Your Dream Job - The Muse

And I need to learn to distinguish which of my hopes, fears and desires belong to the reptilian mind — and which are soundly founded in the higher rationality of the more evolved mind. What we can call higher-consciousness occurs as we flex the muscles of our modern brain; and manage to free ourselves from the hold of the reptilian brain, gaining perspective over our immediate impulses and moods. In the morning — and for pretty much the whole day — you are in a rush.

Rule #2. You’re judged by what you do, not what you think

You are furious and might slam the door. Then lying awake in the middle of the night you have a powerful sense that quite often you move too fast defend yourself whenever your partner says anything a bit critical. You can picture yourself doing it. And truth be told you know you do eat too fast.

In the dark it all makes sense. The midnight insight was right.

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It was a moment of self knowledge. You felt sufficiently safe and calm to observe your own behaviour without rushing to either condemn or defend it. You became wiser about yourself. Such states of mind are, however, intermittent. Most of the time we have to be very intent on defending our patch, on fighting our cause. We lack the calm to observe our primitive mind in action. Two: Developing a capacity to interpret the behaviour of others, rather than merely react to it automatically. Most of the time, we respond immediately and rather powerfully to the behaviour of others. They say something mean-sounding, we insult them right back.

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The natural instinct is to meet the primitive with the primitive. Our own reptile nature wants to attack their reptile selves and beat them back into their hole. But there is, of course, another option — one of the great marvels of evolution and civilisation morality and religion too. The civilised, higher move is to understand that they are behaving badly for a reason which they are in no position to tell you about, so under pressure are they from their more primitive minds.

Maybe they have had a hard day. Maybe they are worried about something. Perhaps they have felt squashed and sidelined in their career and now having someone squeeze in in front of them on the road is too much to bear. There must have been a first time in human history this happened. And in each life there is perhaps a similar awakening. But often it is so hard for this higher consciousness to break through; we are so deeply caught up in our own troubles that we find it almost impossible to be generous in our assessment of why others are causing us trouble:.

Try out these ideas they sound foreign ; they are examples of higher consciousness:. They are always hurt — and this means that the appropriate response to humanity is not fear, cynicism or aggression, but love. Once we relinquish our egos, and loosen ourselves from the grip of our primitive defensive and aggressive thought-processes, we are free to consider humanity in a much more benign light. We might even, at an extreme this might happen only very late at night once in a while , feel that we could love everyone, that no human could be outside the circle of our sympathy.

We attain a state reported by certain yogis, christian ascetics and buddhist monks — wherein we feel that we have loosened ourselves from the self: we are looking at the world as if we were not ourselves, without the usual filter of our interests, passions and needs. And the world, at that moment, reveals itself as quite different: a place of suffering and misguided effort, a place full of people striving to be heard and lashing out against others.

The fitting response is universal sympathy and kindness. We have taken self-knowledge in a new and interesting direction. For years you have had to fight your corner: you have had to grab at every opportunity, defend yourself, look out for your interests.

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You have to feed and clothe yourself, pay the bills, manage your education, deal as best you can with your own moods and demons. You have to assert your rights, justify your actions and your choices. Being alive is all there is. You are understandably obsessed with your own life — what option do you have? And without the support of any imagined afterlife.

How to Pick a Career (That Actually Fits You)

It might be that the fear of not-existing is — if only for a little while — less intense. If certain people could encounter you at this point they be amazed at the transformation. These higher states of consciousness are short lived. We have to accept that. But we do need to make the most of them.

Life is Not a Game of Perfect: Finding Your Real Talent and Making It Work for You

We have to harvest them and preserve them so that we can have access to them when we need them most. The problem is that when we are in these higher states of mind we have highly important insights; but we lose access to them when we return to the ordinary conditions of life.


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In the past, religions have been very interested in this move. The Christian churches, for instance, cottoned onto the fact that at times we can recognise that we have been unfair and disloyal to others. They established rituals designed to intensify, prolong and deepen these fragile insights. There was, for example, highly charged words of a special prayer, the Confiteor:.

I confess to Almighty God and to you my brothers and sister. So that, ideally, on a very regular basis people would have a powerful experience of recognising that they might have been cruel, harsh, thoughtless, greedy or mean. To give it more power in our lives and to make the best use of it. The ideal, which is obviously separable from Christianity and involves not occult belief, is that the higher parts of the mind should be more reliable and more powerful. Normally we are used to the idea of gaining self-knowledge by asking ourselves ever more closely: how do I feel about this?

But this suggestion here is something different, indeed the opposite. What we advise is a capacity to stand aside from feelings in order to recognise their potentially deceptive nature. It means acknowledging a fundamental distinction between what we might feel about a situation — and what it might actually be.

The Best Career Tests and Quizzes to Find Your Dream Job - The Muse

The classic example of this historically is when humans learnt for the first time to accept that even though the earth feels flat, it is in fact round. In other words, when humans learnt to be suspicious about their feelings, trusting instead to the data of their rational minds — overruling feeling for the sake of reason. This has come very very late on in human evolution, and in day-to-day life, most of us operate in a pre-Copernican way, especially as regards our emotional lives. One exception though, from which we can learn a lot, is children.

When we deal with small children, we rather easily override our reptilian responses and aim for a higher interpretation. We look beyond what seems, and try to picture what is. Imagine a child who is whiny and then goes up to its parent and hits it and says, I hate you.


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  4. The primitive response is to hit back. The higher mind will have interpreted the situation. However wise this might be, we find it hard to perform the exercise on ourselves. We too might be feeling tired and hungry. These seem like entirely reasonable conclusions to draw from real facts. But, in reality, they are the outcome of a very tired and hungry mind trying to deal with existence.