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  1. 50+ Short Funny Stories That Will Crack You Up In 60 Seconds | Thought Catalog
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  4. 50+ Short Funny Stories That Will Crack You Up In 60 Seconds

On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly ben the las wyld pig on the Bundel Downs any how there hadnt ben none for a long time befor him nor I aint looking to see none agen. I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. In the last years of the Seventeenth Century there was to be found among the fops and fools of the London coffee-houses one rangy, gangling flitch called Ebenezer Cooke, more ambitious than talented, and yet more talented than prudent, who, like his friends-in-folly, all of whom were supposed to be educating at Oxford or Cambridge, had found the sound of Mother English more fun to game with than her sense to labor over, and so rather than applying himself to the pains of scholarship, had learned the knack of versifying, and ground out quires of couplets after the fashion of the day, afroth with Joves and Jupiters, aclang with jarring rhymes, and string-taut with similes stretched to the snapping-point.

When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon. It was just noon that Sunday morning when the sheriff reached the jail with Lucas Beauchamp though the whole town the whole county too for that matter had known since the night before that Lucas had killed a white man.

I, Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus This-that-and-the-other for I shall not trouble you yet with all my titles who was once, and not so long ago either, known to my friends and relatives and associates as "Claudius the Idiot," or "That Claudius," or "Claudius the Stammerer," or "Clau-Clau-Claudius" or at best as "Poor Uncle Claudius," am now about to write this strange history of my life; starting from my earliest childhood and continuing year by year until I reach the fateful point of change where, some eight years ago, at the age of fifty-one, I suddenly found myself caught in what I may call the "golden predicament" from which I have never since become disentangled.

Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is women.


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I am an American, Chicago born—Chicago, that somber city—and go at things as I have taught myself, free-style, and will make the record in my own way: first to knock, first admitted; sometimes an innocent knock, sometimes a not so innocent. The towers of Zenith aspired above the morning mist; austere towers of steel and cement and limestone, sturdy as cliffs and delicate as silver rods.

I will tell you in a few words who I am: lover of the hummingbird that darts to the flower beyond the rotted sill where my feet are propped; lover of bright needlepoint and the bright stitching fingers of humorless old ladies bent to their sweet and infamous designs; lover of parasols made from the same puffy stuff as a young girl's underdrawers; still lover of that small naval boat which somehow survived the distressing years of my life between her decks or in her pilothouse; and also lover of poor dear black Sonny, my mess boy, fellow victim and confidant, and of my wife and child.

But most of all, lover of my harmless and sanguine self. He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad.

50+ Short Funny Stories That Will Crack You Up In 60 Seconds | Thought Catalog

Psychics can see the color of time it's blue. In the town, there were two mutes and they were always together. Time is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of space.

He—for there could be no doubt of his sex, though the fashion of the time did something to disguise it—was in the act of slicing at the head of a Moor which swung from the rafters. High, high above the North Pole, on the first day of , two professors of English Literature approached each other at a combined velocity of miles per hour.

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They say when trouble comes close ranks, and so the white people did. The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. Site supported in part by an award from the National Endowment for the Arts, which believes a great nation deserves great art. Call me Ishmael. A screaming comes across the sky. Gregory Rabassa 5. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. Constance Garnett 7.

I am an invisible man. Breon Mitchell William Weaver Edith Grossman Mother died today.

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Stuart Gilbert Katz Patrick Bowles In a sense, I am Jacob Horner. It was like so, but wasn't.

English Stories For Kids - Funny English Stories Compilation For Children - Periwinkle

All this happened, more or less. They shoot the white girl first. Lydia Davis It was the day my grandmother exploded. Banks, The Crow Road Elmer Gantry was drunk. And why not keep a deaf boy as a pet? Harriet and Vesey first meet as teenagers. Both families are devout vegetarians. In a hilarious and revealing scene, Harriet and Vesey take his young cousins to lunch, where he seduces them into eating a chop.

However, they grasp his distinction between lying, omission and evasion. All they need to say is there was macaroni cheese on the menu. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair This novel of immigrants working in a Chicago slaughterhouse exposes the hideous exploitation of the desperate employees and the revulsion of the meat processing industry, which resulted in the American Clean Food and Drug Act. No longer, supposedly, would human fingers wind up in the sausages. The novel also brought about a rise in vegetarianism. The answer is not easy. The Time Machine by HG Wells When the Time Traveller lands hundreds of thousands of years into the future, he finds the Eloi, a gentle, fun-loving group, who seem to be the only humans left on a utopian Earth.

Their diet consists of scrumptious fruit, which they happily share. But underground dwells another tribe. The Morlocks kill animals for sport; for food they consume the Eloi fattened up on all that juicy fruit. To order a copy, go to guardianbookshop. John describes his turbulent relationship with his mother, his long and destructive cocaine use and a later turn to activism after meeting young AIDS patient Ryan White.

Joplin, who died at age 27, rises from the page through the recounting of her effervescent notes to her family. Read more: 11 anticipated music books this fall. About Us. Brand Publishing. Times News Platforms.

50+ Short Funny Stories That Will Crack You Up In 60 Seconds

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